Model for hire

A few months ago i had the pleasure of serving as a sub model for a femdom site. i did this after seeking permission from my wife. Despite this, my wife and i still argued about what this meant in terms of fidelity.

Things were seemingly resolved, but my desire to serve is still present, which is why i have since applied to appear in more shoots, albeit without my wife's knowledge. my theory is that until i have an actual confirmed shoot, there's not much point in causing upset.

The idea of appearing on film is such a rush. From the moment the shoot begins, i have no control. It is not about me, purely about accepting what is demanded of me and trying to fulfil this requirement. As a result, i crave this kind of service again, being abused for profit without the comfort of safe words or limits.

The ambiguity of on and in

I work IT, a mainly male department. There is a lot of ambiguity and interchangeability between on and in. For example, log on and log in, files on a drive and files in a drive, remoting on and remoting in to a machine.

There are two areas, however, where this interchangeability should not be used. On time and in time being the first. On time means on schedule, properly deployed and tested with an opportunity to deal with teething issues. In time means holy crap we deployed it the night before it went live.

The other area that on and in mean completely different things is in the gents. Unfortunately my colleagues do not seem to be able to let go of the on/in flexibility. Where toilets are concerned, pissing on is not the same as pissing in!

File sharing

While perusing a favourite adult file sharing site this week, i spotted a film from a site from a site whose owner i know. Normally, upon seeing free porn like this i'd be straight in there, but this time, it felt different. This was a small site/studio, it was taking money directy from one person, and a project that i know they worked hard.

Now major studios, fair game. The prices that these studios charge are ridiculous. Much like mainstream hollywood, studio execs are pushing out generic movies and charging premium prices. On the flip side, small/indie studios are creating amazing content, tailored to the members' wants/desires, costing sensible amounts. These are the kinds of adult films i like to watch, and gladly pay for. i tend to avoid these on file share sites.

Honesty pt2

After thinking about it, i decided to show my wife my list. i am yet to hear her opinions. When i showed her, she went quiet and asked if i would be disappointed if i didn't get to do them all.

i'm still not sure what that means. Is it that she's ok with some of them? Is she dead against some? Or all? When i pressed her for clarification, she just said that it's my list, and it's not up to her. Last time she said that, i made a choice and she did not like it.

So is it ok to act on my list? Am i likely to tick any off? i have no idea, but i'm sure i'll be blogging about it for a while.

Honesty Vs Monogamy

i've always maintaine that the key to happiness is honesty, and the same applies to relationships. The question is, which is more important, honesty or monogamy? Being honest, i don't think monogamy is for me, but it's hard to keep that honesty when it would hurt the relationship to say it.

i adore my wife, and i think she is hot as he'll, but i don't feel like that's enough. Every now and then she'll be a bit kinky, but that's not our dynamic. For her to do the things i crave could harm our relationship more than me telling her that i want more than just her. Relationships are complicated enough, but either way i look at it, honesty or monogamy, someone is going to get hurt.