Anticipation

i recently applied for a position as a filming slave for a professional kink production company. i have had the pleasure of working with this particular company before, and i find their style refreshing. The position is unpaid, save expenses, but that’s to be expected given the subject matter. i sent my application late one evening after spotting an ad on a filming slave notice board. i had waited all of fifteen minutes before i received a reply.

Now, with the date of the shoot looming, i am terrified. There are a few things that i am worried about, some small, some fairly significant.

First, will i be up to standard? Last time i shaved all over as this is what was preferred. This time i am unable to do so, although i plan to take a razor just in case. Also, having set no limits last time, will i be able to withstand what is thrown at me? Last time was no picnic, i was hosed down with ice cold water and it was not a warm day. i cannot shake the feeling that this is again in store and this time it’s winter.

Second, will anybody find out? i do not like the hood that is offered to protect identity, somehow i get claustrophobic. However, revealing myself to the world in this way is less than appealing. The only comfort is that if someone were to see the video, they must have signed up to the sites, meaning they have as much to hide as i do.

The third, and rather significant issue is the strain on my relationship. With my relationship almost at breaking point, is this the most sensible option? The fact is that i enjoy this, not for gratification, but degrading myself at the commands of beautiful women makes me feel liberated. At home, i often have to ask and explain before i can be treated this way, defeating the purpose entirely.

So now i am excited yet uneasy. Part of me wants to cancel, but i cannot. As this is a professional agreement, i do not believe it would be right to walk away. The company in question has seen its fair share of this and i do not want that kind of reputation.